Instinct

As Calvin gets closer to being one year old, I've been reflecting on the fact that my title of "First Time Mom" is almost worn out. Now that we've made it this far, I'm pretty confident in my Mothering. What some people don't know, is that I've helped to raise my three nephews (legally they're my brothers) and I knew about diapers, feedings, and the basics of child rearing prior to giving birth myself. Having your own child is a whole different ball game, though, and with trial and error (and a lot of sleepless nights) I feel like I've come into my own as a Mother. I was thinking about all the "advice" you get from other Moms, friends, family, doctors, nurses, and while most of the advice is coming from a good place, it may or may not apply to your situation. Every child is unique and different so they are just telling you what worked for them, not what will work for your baby. Around the 3 or 4 month mark I stopped reading the books. I stopped frantically Googling everything. It finally hit me that every time I followed my instincts regarding my child, I was right. Every time. Every time I prayed and waited for the right answer, it worked out. Every time. And since the title of my blog includes the word confession.. here are some examples. I developed mastitis on Christmas Day when Calvin was two months old. Mastitis is a breast infection resulting from a clogged duct. It usually happens when your baby starts sleeping in longer stretches, and your body is shocked because the milk is not released as often. It causes flu like symptoms and high fever, not to mention breast pain. I called my on call OB (not my regular midwife) and he told me to stop breastfeeding. WELL. This didn't sound right to me. Stop? Why? So that it can get more clogged? I did my research online through some trusted websites, and everything I read confirmed my instincts. I took the prescribed antibiotic, tylenol for the fever, and within a couple days I was fine. Oh, and I was still breastfeeding. I actually nursed more often. When I consulted with my midwife, she told me I did the right thing. See? Mother's Instinct. It's powerful.
Another example is the "Cry it out" method. This one just won't go away! Even at Calvin's 9 month check up, the nurse said "Oh, you just have to let him scream for a few nights" Why? This makes no sense to me, never has, never will. Don't get me wrong, I don't run to Calvin at his every whimper. Barely! He will fuss in his swing, cry in his crib, carseat, etc.. but this idea of leaving him alone to scream for hours on end blows my mind. This obsession that society has for babies sleeping all night amazes me. Babies don't sleep "all night" for quite a while. Calvin began sleeping in longer stretches between 6-8 weeks. Sleep patterns change and evolve as your baby goes through different developmental stages. Unless you're one of those few people who have babies that like to sleep. (I have yet to meet one) The sleep issue keeps popping up in my parenting. The most common advice besides cry it out was:  "Oh, just put cereal in his bottle and he'll sleep all night". If I had a dollar for every time I heard this, I could literally own a private island. Keep in mind, that this was before Calvin was even able to have solids. We didn't use bottles unless I was at work (Calvin is exclusively breastfed) but I was curious... and tired. I did research for both sides, and I do respectfully realize that many parents including my good friends utilize this advice. I found many articles which state that babies given any kind of solid food prior to the usual 6 month mark are at a higher risk for obesity, allergies and celiac disease, which is an intolerance to gluten. You know all those annoying kids at school who can't have cupcakes? Yea, that's them. So you might get an hour extra here or there because their stomachs are so full (think after Thanksgiving dinner induced coma) BUT later in life, you'll have a lot of stuffy noses on your hands and special requests at the Applebees.
Back to the cry it out method. I am completely guilty of putting Calvin in his crib and walking away to breathe. There are nights as a parent where you want to pull your hair out, and you need to save your sanity. I get it. But every time he has a hard time sleeping alone and I put him in bed with me...we sleep all night. The anti co-sleeper crowd just gasped and maybe even fainted. Every time Calvin has slept with us, there are no tears, and we all sleep. The idea that he'll sleep in bed with us forever if I do that is ludicrous. That's like saying if you keep putting diapers on your infant, they'll never be potty trained. Babies grow up, they get to a stage where they want independence. Calvin will sleep on his own-when he is ready and with our help. Some nights he does fine in his crib. Some nights he doesn't. I've learned to stop forcing it and go with the flow. I love Dr. Sears and his tips for safe, healthy sleeping. (www.askdrsears.com) It's peaceful, safe, and everyone is happy. Again, my instincts told me this from the start and I should have just listened.
Don't get me wrong, I have several friends who have sleep trained, given cereal, etc. They're great Moms who love their kids. This blog is about me and my instinct...once again this is about what is best for Calvin. My husband gave me excellent advice one night as I was sitting by the computer, reading an article aloud and borderline crying. "Babe, who is that article about? It's not about Calvin. Turn the computer off."
You have to listen to your instinct, PRAY, and do what you feel is best. Of course, educate yourself, research, ask questions, but at the end of the day you must trust that as a Mother you will do what is best. Some people do not have this instinct, and that's why there are good pediatricians out there and good websites to help. I have made a myriad of mistakes as a Mother, and I'm sure there are many more where that came from. I've learned from them, and grown. I am so blessed to be the Mom of almost one year old Calvin. I can't wait to see what the future holds, and I'm sure I'll have a million more questions for the next year...BUT I know now that I can do this. I know when to ask for help, and I'm not above that by any means. Mothering is a constant state of asking for help. I'm so appreciative of good friends and family who help me make the right decision, but I'm even more grateful that I have come to know how important it is to listen to my instincts as a Mother.