I want.
I could also write what I used to want, for what I used to want looks a lot like what I already have.
I want to stop yelling so much. I want to not hit my children. For spanking is hitting, no matter how you slice it.
I want to parent with grace, love, and compassion.
With less TV.
I want to grow in God. To push myself beyond the plateau that is "typical" Christian.
I don't want to be a typical anything.
I want to keep missing my Dad. For in that hurt and sadness, there is the memory of him. I will keep missing him if it means never forgetting him.
I want to love my husband more. And more. And more. And in turn, receive his love more and more.
I want to be a light.
I want to keep learning, keep inspiring, and keep working even if I am on no one's payroll but God's.
I want to be a good friend. No a GREAT friend who prays, weeps, comforts, laughs, and loves others.
I used to want: education, career, husband, home, family.
And I got all of that. Then it broke, shattered and reassembled into the most beautiful puzzle, taped together by the glue which is the Grace of God.
Thank you Jesus. For wrecking my plans, for showing me time and time again to LEAN into the suffering. To be happy, blissful even, in the face of the wind storms of this world.
So may my wants be the deepest prayers of my heart. Take me.
For I now know that YOUR wants for my life are all that I need.
