Holidaze.

Well, the holiday season is upon us!  I absolutely love Christmas time!  It truly is the celebration of our Saviour's birth with the added benefit of quality time with loved ones. It is so easy to get caught up in the crazy whirlwind of holiday shopping, baking, decorating, not to mention still going about a regular routine. Although I love this time of year, I do feel the stress and always wish I had more time! Calvin has been such a joy this season so far. He is noticing all the decorations, lights and loves our tree.  He stands in front of it and says "pretty, pretty!"  He is almost 14 months old and growing so fast. It seems like he does something new each day! His birthday party was a blast, and we've been busy bees ever since. I often miss my friends lately and wish I could just stop everything (work, kids, bills, chores) for a girls night filled with laughs. I'm grateful for real friends who understand the responsibilities I have and are there for me no matter what. Just a phone call or text is so needed sometimes.
Our family had a great Thanksgiving, but poor Calvin had a cough and cold so he was pretty miserable. I baked pumpkin cupcakes with cream cheese frosting, and the day after Thanksgiving I cooked a whole feast for my in laws and Elio's grandparents. I love cooking and baking...my Dad is an excellent cook and I've learned from watching him and reading recipes. I love providing people I care about with food...it's one of ways I show my love. It's also very therapeutic for me. Life is hectic but I love the peace of mind cooking brings...unless your meat thermometer breaks and you are holding your breath hoping the turkey isn't raw.  (It wasn't, by the way)
So although I haven't blogged in a while, please know its not due to lack of the desire to. I've been feeling stretched pretty thin lately and have found myself crashing into bed wondering when the room will stop spinning. And no, that's not due to any kind of beverage ;) Life is crazy busy for me, it always has been but much more so lately. I'm trying to get better about letting go and follow my motto "Do what you can, with what you have" Our family dynamic now has a sometimes-living-us 13 year old. So a 13 month old, a 13 year old, a few pets (I've lost count), full time high stress career, and a husband whose work schedule changes seemingly every other week. But God is ALWAYS good. I'll have my time someday. Maybe a few girlfriends or a good book will be there, and I'll close my eyes and miss this. So for now, I am going to go back to my list and check it twice. Then I'm going to soak up some much needed family time!


Some updates on our toddler:
-He's walking!! He's doing so well and walks all over the house. This comes with bumps and bruises, but so far so good!
-He is learning new words and has his own "language" it's so adorable and hilarious.
-He responds to verbal commands like "turn off the light", or "put that lid on", "pick up your toys", "brush your hair", etc. Today he even took some tissues off the ground and threw them in the trash!
-He claps...the right way!
-Sings and dances
-Enjoys bigger boy toys like blocks, trains, and cars
-"Reads" books by turning the pages and looking at the pictures
-Is eating much better. But don't ask what his favorite food is...This"all natural"  Mom is embarrassed by my son's love of french fries! Oh well, I'll pick my battles on that one.
-He's still nursing. I'm leaning towards the self weaning route, and he's still getting his primary nutrition from breast milk. I am grateful for this blog where I can share the facts behind my decision...even though I don't have to. So get ready for a possible blog on this subject. ;)
-Calvin sleeps really well...with us. Another one that I know will change with time. If not, that's ok too. Our bed may be small, but our hearts are big!


Peace & love this Christmas. Remember that there is always someone fighting a harder battle than yours.

Fall Update

I cannot believe the holidays are right around the corner! As much as I adore fall with all its loveliness, I absolutely love Christmas. I could do without the hustle and bustle of shopping for presents, but the meaning, feel, and happiness that Christmas brings is more than enough for me. I'm making myself wait until after Thanksgiving to decorate...

For now, here's an update on what our ONE year old is up to!
-Calvin is almost walking independently. We've found that our boy is quite cautious and does not want to fall. He took a couple steps on his own the day before his birthday, and now we are waiting for him to take off!
-He is dancing! It is beyond cute. It's hilarious to watch my little guy shake his hips to music.
-He talks to us all day! It's not always understandable, but he makes his wants and needs very known. His favorite thing to do now is point to different objects and say "Dee, dee!" (See, See!!)
-Calvin is a little stinker. He is very mischevious, and knows exactly what he isn't supposed to do...then he does it.
-As for eating, WELL, that's an adventure. Calvin is very independent...and picky. He gave up on purees a long time ago and refuses to be fed from a spoon. Of course you live and learn, and I shoud have taken his cues that he was ready to eat on his own. He has been able to feed himself for a couple of months now, and loves Cheerios and crackers. As for more substantial foods, we're getting there. Turns out he loves my Dad's recipe for egg cassarole...so I will be making that every week. ;) I appreciate good friends' advice, and I've given him all kinds of goodies to try. Grapes, apples, chicken, and basically whatever we are eating. I let him try everything as long as it's safe for him to have it. I know that in time he will fall into a routine and eat like a champ. Even though he's a picky little guy, he will try everything that I give him which makes me very happy. He can drink out of cups, and use a straw which is so cute.

That's all for now. I'm sure there will be much, much more to come.

Going Green...Sort of.

I never used to be environmentally conscious or even live anything close to resembling an organic lifestyle. In college, I'm pretty sure McDonald's double cheeseburgers were a daily occurance...not to mention several Coke's a day. Over the past few years I've made some changes I am very proud of, and I now know the importance of choosing good foods, better cleaning products, and homeopathic remedies. Don't get me wrong, I still eat fast food! (oh, and I ate about 4 Chips Ahoy a few minutes ago) It's about small changes leading to an overall lifestyle change, and I believe that you can enjoy pretty much everything in moderation. It started with my nephews who all have some sort of emotional or behavioral issue that requires us to watch what we feed them. I noticed that sugared, processed foods made them act literally insane. Also, dairy products in excess seem to trigger major allergies for one of them. I began becoming really ingredient conscious, and it's more important to me now than ever to eat foods that are not only good for you, but real. While pregnant, I also began thinking quite a bit about cleaning products, and the chemicals they would leave on surfaces and floors. Here are some of the changes I've made progressively over the past few months and years:
-I used to be hooked on Pine Sol, but I now use Mrs. Meyers Clean Day All Purpose Cleaner. It comes in great scents, but has less harmful chemicals and is environmentally friendly. It also lasts twice as long, and you can dilute it and clean pretty much anything.
-Method hand soap, laundry detergent, fabric softener, and dish detergent. The Method brand is affordable, works great, and the laundry detergent lasts forever. You only need 4 pumps for a large load of laundry, it smells good, and does the job. It's made of plant based materials and won't affect sensitive skin. Method is sold at Target, and you will often get register coupons.
-Seventh Generation bathroom cleaner. It's bleach free, and is actually cheaper than major brands like Scrubbing Bubbles. Think about it...I'm cleaning the surfaces and toys that Calvin has his mouth all over, why would I want him to be basically eating harmful elements?
-Bon Ami powdered cleaner for hard surfaces (like tub bottoms, sinks, stovetop,etc) I used to use only Comet cleaner, but Bon Ami works just as great. My Dad used it for years for everything including pots and pans.
-I'm a big Clorox Wipe fan because it's easy and convenient, but I know it's not the best option, not to mention wasteful. This is one thing I haven't changed...yet.
-I'm still a fan of Burts Bees lotion for Calvin. I also like Aveeno products. We use disposable diapers, but I'm curious to learn more about cloth. If I didn't work full time, cloth may be an option. Or if I could hire someone to do my laundry... hmm... any takers?
-When buying pacifiers, sippy cups, or any other plastic made products, I always make sure they're BPA free. BPA has been linked to cancer, and it is in many plastic products.
-Food: Here's where it gets tough. We all know how expensive organic food is, so I just try to buy selectively. If chicken is on sale, I'll get regular chicken depending on the brand. Wal-Mart has a great organic option for chicken that isn't too pricey. Town and Country now has organic meats. They are expensive, so I sort of pick and choose which ones I buy. My theory is "Do what you Can". I try to stay away from processed cheeses and prefer to buy real. I'd rather something be real, even if it's not necessarily organic. Target has great brands as well. I love Annie's products for kids. Cheddar bunnies and their mac and cheese are great inexpensive options that are made with organic, real products! It's also important to buy organic dairy if at all possible. I still eat fast food, I know, I know...it's disgusting. My job requires me to constantly be on the go, and hey, I love a good french fry! If I eat "garbage" for lunch, I try to balance it out with a good home cooked meal for dinner...or go to my parents house for my Dad's home cooking. ;) As for produce, I try to go by the "dirty dozen" which lists the 12 fruits and veggies that are the most important to buy organic.


Like I said before, my theory is "Do What You Can". Even a little change is a good change!

ONE

Well, the biggest milestone of them all has arrived and I must say I am pretty proud of myself! I have made it to Calvin's first birthday with minimal tears and maybe only one anxiety attack over the past week. It's so wild how quickly it went, and how many moments are frozen in my memory forever. This day a year ago, I was marveling at  my newborn baby boy and today I played with a happy, healthy, silly one year old who is able to look right at me and call me Mama. This day is more than my son's birthday, it is the anniversary of me becoming a Mother. I always knew I wanted to be a Mom, but I never grasped how truly life altering it would be. The moment I became pregnant, my world changed. It was no longer about me, my wants, my needs. Everything I ate, listened to, and looked at grew newfound perspective. My relationship with God also grew and stregnthened because I now had a better idea of how God sees us, His children. That unconditional, never failing, no-matter-how-many-times-you-mess-up LOVE. It's truly the most powerful thing. Parenthood comes with its fair share of challenges, and the last year has by no means been easy. It puts new laugh lines on your face, but also deeper wrinkles under your eyes from sleep deprivation. It brings your relationship with your husband to an amazing new level, but also brings new ground for arguments and testing times. It quickly weeds out friends who are all about late nights or show no interest in your "new" life. I feel like the last year has taught me more than any college course ever did, and I have truly found what God wants me to be. Elio's Wife, Calvin's Mom. Although there are so many more facets to who I am, those are the cornerstone to my overall purpose in life. Serve God, take care of my family, be a good friend, and throw my career in there somewhere. You could even take my career out, for all I care at this point. I cannot wait to see what the future holds, even though there were so many times over the past year that I said with tears in my eyes "Can't we just freeze him like this forever?"
Calvin is such a sweetheart and brings joy to everyone who meets him. I know God has big plans for him, and I'm content to just sit back, watch, and be his Mommy. Happy Birthday, Calvin Robert!

A look back...

Grateful

I have to take a moment to just thank God that this picture is even possible. So many people have been praying for my family and loving us, and my heart is full when I see my son with my Dad.


I've had a rough week. Work stress, financial worry, and the "working mom" grind had me down. Not to mention the fact that I still have a husband who works just as hard and moments alone are few and far between.
The reality is that I am SO blessed. I have a home, a man who loves me, a healthy, happy baby, and my family is doing well. Some days are better that others, but isn't that just life? It is so easy to become weary with the menial tasks of each day and the stress of staying afloat in this oh-so-lovely economy. Not to mention the constant juggling act of work, baby, and the boys...which makes me feel like a deficient circus performer. Trying to find some peace and quiet in the middle of it all is nearly impossible.


This moment happened over the weekend, and as I snapped the photo I couldn't help but think about how none of the "stuff" matters. The bills, work, laundry, dishes. The things I don't have, the things that don't get done or I can't afford to do. None of it matters. People matter, love matters, and most importantly a relationship with a Father who hears our prayers and provides endlessly to meet our needs-that is what matters. 




“The willingness to be and to have just what God wants us to be and have, nothing more, nothing less, and nothing else, would set our hearts at rest, and we would discover the simpler life,
the greater peace.”
~Elisabeth Eliot

Almost One?

I absolutely cannot believe that October is upon us. It literally feels like a few minutes ago that I was getting his room ready and packing a bag for the hospital. Here is an update on what our little...err..big pumpkin is up to:
-If you say "Puppy Dog", he sticks his tongue out and starts panting. One of my personal favorites! haha!
-He is constantly saying "Dada, Daddy, DAD" Calvin loves his Dad and is very vocal about it! He wants only Mama at bedtime though.
-Calvin has decided he is moving past pureed baby foods and is ready for more substantial food. I realized this when he went on "strike" from eating purees, but reached for a Goldfish cracker and proceeded to eat it like it was nothing. He has 7 teeth so I guess we're ready for "real" foods! He of course eats like a champ for the babysitter, but at home we're focusing more on whatever we're eating, just in Calvin sized portions. Most of it ends up on the floor, but oh well!
-Calvin can stand independently but still gets nervous to do it on his own. He is so close to walking, and I have a feeling that he will be doing so by his first birthday.
-He loves any game... hide and seek is hilarious to him, he loves to be chased (especially if he has something he isn't supposed to have), and he LOVES to laugh! Just last week Elio was playing a game with his blocks where Elio acted like he was hurt when Calvin would throw the blocks at him. (They're soft blocks) Calvin was laughing hysterically and actually fell over from laughing so hard!
-Calvin is a pro at giving kisses, and is so sweet.
-He has become so perceptive. My Mom watched him for us while we went out to dinner for our anniversary, and he started waving Bye Bye to her when she arrived to pick him up! haha! He knows when something is up.
-Calvin loves the boys. He plays so well with them, and they are so sweet with him! I'm blessed to have my firstborn surrounded by other boys he can learn from and interact with.
-If you catch him doing something wrong, he immediately starts "clapping" his hands! I guess it's to show you he's too cute to be in trouble. :)


Here are some of my go-to products, and favorite items for our growing boy:
-I only use Burt's Bees baby lotion on him! It's hands down the best.
-Pampers Cruisers diapers. They hold everything in- even the messiest diapers. The big boxes usually have coupons in them, and if you shop at Target you will get register coupons as well.
-Earth's Best Organic baby tooth paste. It's all natural and comes with a finger brush. Calvin was unsure of it at first, but he now opens his mouth for me and loves to have his teeth brushed!
-Cheerios. Perfect finger food, and they're healthy.
-Aveeno Diaper Rash cream. Calvin developed a diaper rash for the first time, and I literally tried every cream there is. Aveeno is the best and cleared it up right away. It's also all natural and a little goes a long way.
-The "Wonder Weeks" Book or App for iPhone or iPod. It's so on target for where your child is developmentally and explains why they may all of a sudden be fussy or not be sleeping well. I have the app on my phone, and it's a great, accurate resource.




Instinct

As Calvin gets closer to being one year old, I've been reflecting on the fact that my title of "First Time Mom" is almost worn out. Now that we've made it this far, I'm pretty confident in my Mothering. What some people don't know, is that I've helped to raise my three nephews (legally they're my brothers) and I knew about diapers, feedings, and the basics of child rearing prior to giving birth myself. Having your own child is a whole different ball game, though, and with trial and error (and a lot of sleepless nights) I feel like I've come into my own as a Mother. I was thinking about all the "advice" you get from other Moms, friends, family, doctors, nurses, and while most of the advice is coming from a good place, it may or may not apply to your situation. Every child is unique and different so they are just telling you what worked for them, not what will work for your baby. Around the 3 or 4 month mark I stopped reading the books. I stopped frantically Googling everything. It finally hit me that every time I followed my instincts regarding my child, I was right. Every time. Every time I prayed and waited for the right answer, it worked out. Every time. And since the title of my blog includes the word confession.. here are some examples. I developed mastitis on Christmas Day when Calvin was two months old. Mastitis is a breast infection resulting from a clogged duct. It usually happens when your baby starts sleeping in longer stretches, and your body is shocked because the milk is not released as often. It causes flu like symptoms and high fever, not to mention breast pain. I called my on call OB (not my regular midwife) and he told me to stop breastfeeding. WELL. This didn't sound right to me. Stop? Why? So that it can get more clogged? I did my research online through some trusted websites, and everything I read confirmed my instincts. I took the prescribed antibiotic, tylenol for the fever, and within a couple days I was fine. Oh, and I was still breastfeeding. I actually nursed more often. When I consulted with my midwife, she told me I did the right thing. See? Mother's Instinct. It's powerful.
Another example is the "Cry it out" method. This one just won't go away! Even at Calvin's 9 month check up, the nurse said "Oh, you just have to let him scream for a few nights" Why? This makes no sense to me, never has, never will. Don't get me wrong, I don't run to Calvin at his every whimper. Barely! He will fuss in his swing, cry in his crib, carseat, etc.. but this idea of leaving him alone to scream for hours on end blows my mind. This obsession that society has for babies sleeping all night amazes me. Babies don't sleep "all night" for quite a while. Calvin began sleeping in longer stretches between 6-8 weeks. Sleep patterns change and evolve as your baby goes through different developmental stages. Unless you're one of those few people who have babies that like to sleep. (I have yet to meet one) The sleep issue keeps popping up in my parenting. The most common advice besides cry it out was:  "Oh, just put cereal in his bottle and he'll sleep all night". If I had a dollar for every time I heard this, I could literally own a private island. Keep in mind, that this was before Calvin was even able to have solids. We didn't use bottles unless I was at work (Calvin is exclusively breastfed) but I was curious... and tired. I did research for both sides, and I do respectfully realize that many parents including my good friends utilize this advice. I found many articles which state that babies given any kind of solid food prior to the usual 6 month mark are at a higher risk for obesity, allergies and celiac disease, which is an intolerance to gluten. You know all those annoying kids at school who can't have cupcakes? Yea, that's them. So you might get an hour extra here or there because their stomachs are so full (think after Thanksgiving dinner induced coma) BUT later in life, you'll have a lot of stuffy noses on your hands and special requests at the Applebees.
Back to the cry it out method. I am completely guilty of putting Calvin in his crib and walking away to breathe. There are nights as a parent where you want to pull your hair out, and you need to save your sanity. I get it. But every time he has a hard time sleeping alone and I put him in bed with me...we sleep all night. The anti co-sleeper crowd just gasped and maybe even fainted. Every time Calvin has slept with us, there are no tears, and we all sleep. The idea that he'll sleep in bed with us forever if I do that is ludicrous. That's like saying if you keep putting diapers on your infant, they'll never be potty trained. Babies grow up, they get to a stage where they want independence. Calvin will sleep on his own-when he is ready and with our help. Some nights he does fine in his crib. Some nights he doesn't. I've learned to stop forcing it and go with the flow. I love Dr. Sears and his tips for safe, healthy sleeping. (www.askdrsears.com) It's peaceful, safe, and everyone is happy. Again, my instincts told me this from the start and I should have just listened.
Don't get me wrong, I have several friends who have sleep trained, given cereal, etc. They're great Moms who love their kids. This blog is about me and my instinct...once again this is about what is best for Calvin. My husband gave me excellent advice one night as I was sitting by the computer, reading an article aloud and borderline crying. "Babe, who is that article about? It's not about Calvin. Turn the computer off."
You have to listen to your instinct, PRAY, and do what you feel is best. Of course, educate yourself, research, ask questions, but at the end of the day you must trust that as a Mother you will do what is best. Some people do not have this instinct, and that's why there are good pediatricians out there and good websites to help. I have made a myriad of mistakes as a Mother, and I'm sure there are many more where that came from. I've learned from them, and grown. I am so blessed to be the Mom of almost one year old Calvin. I can't wait to see what the future holds, and I'm sure I'll have a million more questions for the next year...BUT I know now that I can do this. I know when to ask for help, and I'm not above that by any means. Mothering is a constant state of asking for help. I'm so appreciative of good friends and family who help me make the right decision, but I'm even more grateful that I have come to know how important it is to listen to my instincts as a Mother.