Instinct

As Calvin gets closer to being one year old, I've been reflecting on the fact that my title of "First Time Mom" is almost worn out. Now that we've made it this far, I'm pretty confident in my Mothering. What some people don't know, is that I've helped to raise my three nephews (legally they're my brothers) and I knew about diapers, feedings, and the basics of child rearing prior to giving birth myself. Having your own child is a whole different ball game, though, and with trial and error (and a lot of sleepless nights) I feel like I've come into my own as a Mother. I was thinking about all the "advice" you get from other Moms, friends, family, doctors, nurses, and while most of the advice is coming from a good place, it may or may not apply to your situation. Every child is unique and different so they are just telling you what worked for them, not what will work for your baby. Around the 3 or 4 month mark I stopped reading the books. I stopped frantically Googling everything. It finally hit me that every time I followed my instincts regarding my child, I was right. Every time. Every time I prayed and waited for the right answer, it worked out. Every time. And since the title of my blog includes the word confession.. here are some examples. I developed mastitis on Christmas Day when Calvin was two months old. Mastitis is a breast infection resulting from a clogged duct. It usually happens when your baby starts sleeping in longer stretches, and your body is shocked because the milk is not released as often. It causes flu like symptoms and high fever, not to mention breast pain. I called my on call OB (not my regular midwife) and he told me to stop breastfeeding. WELL. This didn't sound right to me. Stop? Why? So that it can get more clogged? I did my research online through some trusted websites, and everything I read confirmed my instincts. I took the prescribed antibiotic, tylenol for the fever, and within a couple days I was fine. Oh, and I was still breastfeeding. I actually nursed more often. When I consulted with my midwife, she told me I did the right thing. See? Mother's Instinct. It's powerful.
Another example is the "Cry it out" method. This one just won't go away! Even at Calvin's 9 month check up, the nurse said "Oh, you just have to let him scream for a few nights" Why? This makes no sense to me, never has, never will. Don't get me wrong, I don't run to Calvin at his every whimper. Barely! He will fuss in his swing, cry in his crib, carseat, etc.. but this idea of leaving him alone to scream for hours on end blows my mind. This obsession that society has for babies sleeping all night amazes me. Babies don't sleep "all night" for quite a while. Calvin began sleeping in longer stretches between 6-8 weeks. Sleep patterns change and evolve as your baby goes through different developmental stages. Unless you're one of those few people who have babies that like to sleep. (I have yet to meet one) The sleep issue keeps popping up in my parenting. The most common advice besides cry it out was:  "Oh, just put cereal in his bottle and he'll sleep all night". If I had a dollar for every time I heard this, I could literally own a private island. Keep in mind, that this was before Calvin was even able to have solids. We didn't use bottles unless I was at work (Calvin is exclusively breastfed) but I was curious... and tired. I did research for both sides, and I do respectfully realize that many parents including my good friends utilize this advice. I found many articles which state that babies given any kind of solid food prior to the usual 6 month mark are at a higher risk for obesity, allergies and celiac disease, which is an intolerance to gluten. You know all those annoying kids at school who can't have cupcakes? Yea, that's them. So you might get an hour extra here or there because their stomachs are so full (think after Thanksgiving dinner induced coma) BUT later in life, you'll have a lot of stuffy noses on your hands and special requests at the Applebees.
Back to the cry it out method. I am completely guilty of putting Calvin in his crib and walking away to breathe. There are nights as a parent where you want to pull your hair out, and you need to save your sanity. I get it. But every time he has a hard time sleeping alone and I put him in bed with me...we sleep all night. The anti co-sleeper crowd just gasped and maybe even fainted. Every time Calvin has slept with us, there are no tears, and we all sleep. The idea that he'll sleep in bed with us forever if I do that is ludicrous. That's like saying if you keep putting diapers on your infant, they'll never be potty trained. Babies grow up, they get to a stage where they want independence. Calvin will sleep on his own-when he is ready and with our help. Some nights he does fine in his crib. Some nights he doesn't. I've learned to stop forcing it and go with the flow. I love Dr. Sears and his tips for safe, healthy sleeping. (www.askdrsears.com) It's peaceful, safe, and everyone is happy. Again, my instincts told me this from the start and I should have just listened.
Don't get me wrong, I have several friends who have sleep trained, given cereal, etc. They're great Moms who love their kids. This blog is about me and my instinct...once again this is about what is best for Calvin. My husband gave me excellent advice one night as I was sitting by the computer, reading an article aloud and borderline crying. "Babe, who is that article about? It's not about Calvin. Turn the computer off."
You have to listen to your instinct, PRAY, and do what you feel is best. Of course, educate yourself, research, ask questions, but at the end of the day you must trust that as a Mother you will do what is best. Some people do not have this instinct, and that's why there are good pediatricians out there and good websites to help. I have made a myriad of mistakes as a Mother, and I'm sure there are many more where that came from. I've learned from them, and grown. I am so blessed to be the Mom of almost one year old Calvin. I can't wait to see what the future holds, and I'm sure I'll have a million more questions for the next year...BUT I know now that I can do this. I know when to ask for help, and I'm not above that by any means. Mothering is a constant state of asking for help. I'm so appreciative of good friends and family who help me make the right decision, but I'm even more grateful that I have come to know how important it is to listen to my instincts as a Mother.

Fall? Is that you?

School has started, the air is getting a little cooler...and I could not be more excited for fall to arrive. Pumpkins, lattes, leaves falling, all of these things bring a smile to my face! Calvin was born on Halloween, and it is so fitting that he was born during my favorite season! His first birthday is approaching much too quickly for my taste, so here is an update on what our little guy is up to:
-Calvin can clap!! Well, as my nephew Jimmy points out "he's not clapping right"...it's more of just hitting his hands together, but he's getting it! It's so cute, and I love singing "Clap, clap your hands!" and watching him clap and laugh.
-He can wave! He waves Hi, and Bye Bye.
-Giving kisses. This is my favorite. He gives sweet, wet, sloppy kisses!
-Standing up and "walking" while holding on. Calvin has been able to stand for a couple months now, but he is so much better at it and can even stand up while only holding on to something with one hand!
-"Talking" Calvin now makes noises specifically when he wants to show us something and "talks" to himself about his toys or while riding in the car. You can tell by his face that this is different than normal baby noises. He is really trying to communicate with us, and it is very evident that Calvin is going to be quite verbal. He says "kitty cat" "Mama" and "Dada". Kitty cat is my favorite because he whispers it and says it so funny! It sounds more like "Kickat" haha.
-Reading books. Calvin LOVES to look at books, and it's the only time he sits still. I took him to Barnes and Noble with the boys and he adored the trains!! He loved playing with the train set and picking out books. I can't wait to do more fun activities with him as he gets older.

We love our growing boy! At his 9 month check up he weighed 22.08 pounds and was 28 inches long. His hair is filling out, and he has 6 teeth! He is eating baby food regularly and loves several different kinds. He is a pistol, though...when he doesn't want something, he lets you know! Calvin is always on the move, crawling everywhere, into everything, and loves to play. I can't believe he'll be one in just a couple months. That will be an emotional day for sure! It has truly flown by, and I could not be more grateful to be his Mommy.

Breastfeeding Q&A

It's amazing to me how many questions, comments, and advice I receive about feeding my child. It is totally fine with me for friends or family to ask questions when it's coming from a good place. As a matter of fact, I enjoy discussing it and offering help to others. I truly believe it takes a village to raise a child, and I am open to advice and offering my own as well. I have no problem with that, but there are individuals who approach me randomly on a regular basis (mostly at work) who like to make comments or ask questions and it often makes me feel uncomfortable. Instead of saying how I really feel to the ones who I've encountered, I will list some of the most common questions and comments I get from people and address them here as a sort of self induced therapy exercise. Enjoy!

1. "Breastfeeding is gross"
This statement can only come from immaturity and lack of education. All I can do is list the reasons why breastfeeding is NOT gross:
-It's natural and I hate to break it to you, but it's the reason why women were made the way they are.
-It's normal!
-Last time I checked, saving money is NOT gross.
-Baby's poop doesn't smell that bad (it still smells, I mean it is poop!), they spit up very little, and have less gas.

2. "Doesn't it hurt?!"
-Nothing can hurt more than what you just did...which was give birth.
-Yes, it hurts at first, but only in the beginning. After a little while, it doesn't hurt at all!
-All good things in life are hard! It's not easy and it's a commitment. Raising a child is hard, so it all goes hand in hand.
-My amazing friend Jill puts it perfectly "Short term sacrifice for long term gain" The benefits outweigh the costs by a long shot.

3. "I want to have a life!"-UM then don't have a baby. It doesn't matter how you feed your child, your life will change forever once you give birth.
-I have a life, and it's a great one! It just happens to be prioritized differently than before I had a child.

4. "Why are you pumping?"-It's what's best for my baby, and I want to maintain our bond while working.

5. "What if your baby is allergic to milk, you don't have enough supply, or can't keep up?" -All valid questions. Here's an easy fix to the milk allergy: don't drink milk. Calvin was spitting up excessively, acting uncomfortable and for several weeks we couldn't pinpoint the problem. It turns out he's lactose intolerant. I eliminated milk and heavy dairy products from my diet and he was like a new baby! Most babies cannot tolerate dairy products, and many formula fed infants have to be on soy formula.
-Supply is a constant worry of nursing moms. Basically the more you nurse or pump, the more you produce. Lactation consultants are very beneficial for moms with supply issues. Breastfed babies do not need as much in a bottle as formula fed babies do.  A big reason for supply issues later on is hospitals and nurses pushing supplementation at birth. It's totally unnecessary and not recommended if you want to breastfeed. A great website to help with supply issues or questions is www.kellymom.com. Of course, some women have lasting issues that cannot be remedied. Totally understandable and kudos for making the effort! There are ways to obtain breastmilk if you cannot produce it yourself. Wet nurses and milk sharing were customary and normal before formula came around. It should still be normal, and in my eyes it is.

6. "Talking about, seeing or being around breastfeeding makes me uncomfortable"-We are living in a world where even PG movies have nudity, you can't be on a highway for 10 minutes without seeing billboards for stipclubs, and breastfeeding makes people uncomfortable? When my Dad was growing up, women would openly feed their babies at the store or at the bus stop. It was normal and totally fine. I'm not the type to feed my baby in the middle of the mall, but it shouldn't be a problem if I chose to do so.

7. "Your baby's big, how long are you going to breastfeed?"-The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends breastfeeding for at least the first year of life. The health benefits are outstanding for both baby and Mom
-How long a woman nurses is only her choice. No one should be made to feel bad regarding length of time no matter what their choice! A recent study stated that if every woman breastfed for at least 6 months-1 year, the US would save 13 billion in health care costs. (Yes, billion.)
-My new response when asked how long I will nurse is "I think until kindergarten, is that too long?" LOL.  
-The average age of weaning worldwide is 4. Why is it weird to nurse an older infant in the US?

8. "But your baby has teeth!"-Again, this is a vaild question but I am giving people a little project when they say this to me with horror on their face: Drink a bottle of water and see if you use your teeth. ;)


A day in the life of a pumping, working Mom:
Me @ Work, in the designated "Lactation Room". Federal Law mandates that employers provide Moms with a private, quiet place to pump that is NOT a bathroom. You are allowed to have breaks to pump and a fridge should be provided to store the milk.

Milk I've built up in the freezer. Frozen milk lasts for 4 months in a regular freezer (it's much longer in a deep freezer), 8 days in the fridge, and 8 hours room temperature.

My Pump. It's a plain, black back so it's not very bulky or noticeable. The best kind to buy are electric, double pumps. They are expensive, so save coupons or giftcards! The more expensive the pump, the longer it lasts and the better you produce. It's a one time investment, which is great.

Motherhood & Friendship.

After I got married, I was of course blissful and so grateful to have found an amazing husband to share my life with. After the honeymoon wore off; however I noticed something lacking...friendship, or at least the regular connections with friends. I've maintained some GREAT friendships and even gained some excellent new ones, but as I've entered into motherhood I've found the outings with friends are few and far between. Things have to be so planned out, so arranged...I miss the days of high school when your best friends just went everywhere with you...to the bathroom, to the mall, to bed, to school, whatever, wherever, whenever! It didn't matter, and it was like there was no shortage of female comraderie. I blame social media for a lot of this change, but I think much of it has to do with America and our preconceived notions that we have to have everything clean before someone comes over, everything checked off our to-do list, and have make up on with a smile to match. I often wonder if it were not for Facebook, how many of us would make the effort to talk to our friends, see their babies, and enjoy quality time? This makes me sad, and I know that I am to blame as well. My days are filled with work, taking care of my family, church, taking care of Calvin, and trying to get some sleep in there somewhere if possible. There is little time for leisure for myself, let alone going out with girlfriends. But like I said before, why do things have to be so specifically planned? I'm going to make a concerted effort to change this in my life. I read a blog post yesterday that literally brought tears to my eyes. It referenced what one Mom experienced during her time in Kenya when she noticed that none of the women ever felt lonely:

"They spend their days singing and dancing together, washing clothes together, watching their children together, standing in line for water together. They live in tight-knit communities that never allow each other to fall down. If a woman can’t feed her children, then the woman next door puts food for everyone on the table. They never face a Friday night on Facebook, looking up old boyfriends and reading about parties that they weren’t invited to. They always have a friend right by their side"


So here's to the sleepovers where you laughed so hard someone peed their pants, the nights you stayed up as late as possible just to say you did, and the times you cried together and it felt like you were literally holding each other up. I'm on my way to get some of that back, and STILL be a great wife and Mommy.

Just keep swimming

The past few weeks have been crazy busy! Work has stretched me paper thin, and has caused quite a bit of stress. Elio has been pulling double shifts, has had crazy schedule changes, and multiple midnights. This causes exhaustion for me when Calvin is up all night with his fifth tooth coming through, and  I don't have Daddy to help out! His presence is truly missed when he's not here, and I greatly appreciate all he does for our family-both at work & at home. The mantra that keeps playing in my head is "Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming!" from Finding Nemo. Unlike Nemo, who is a cute clown fish with a gimp fin that is eventually reunited with his Father...I am an overworked and underpaid social worker who is beyond burned out. I know that there is a light at the end of this tunnel, and I am praying that God provides us with an answer soon as to how I can make a major change for our family.


We snuck away the past couple of days to Elio's parents' lake house in Monticello, IN. It's right on the river leading to Lake Shafer, and we took the boys (our nephews) along as well. It was a GREAT getaway. We got to go boating, tubing, sleep in (until 8am! haha), cookout, go to Indiana Beach, and just relax. I am so grateful that all of us were able to enjoy the weekend and forget about work! The boys had a blast, and I love watching them have fun. Since we have had Calvin, I have not been able to take them on as many fun adventures such as movie nights, bowling, or beach days. This was a much overdue fun weekend for us all.


Although work has had us both stressed out, I know that God has not brought us this far to leave us. Our bills are paid, we have a cozy home, healthy family, and a beautiful baby! My Dad has been doing well lately and we could not be more grateful for that.
So, I'll just keep swimming...


Here are some photos of our crazy, hilarious 9 month old as well as some from our weekend:

Dog Days

The "dog days" of summer are upon us. This past week has graced us with temperatures reaching into the early 100's. I read once that small minds discuss the weather so as to avoid real conversation so I'll sum up my feelings on this stage of summer: I hate it!

Last weekend we traveled to Kentucky for Elio's family reunion. It was his Mom's side of the family. Except for a weekend trip to Wisconsin Dells when Calvin was 5 months old, this was our first family road trip. Let's just say that Calvin did as well as we could expect from a sweaty, energetic 8 month old! He did not like the car ride, did not like sleeping somewhere other than home, did not want to nap, and would not eat baby food. He did; however charm all of the family and put on a good face for all the activities! We ended up having a good time and made lasting memories. Elio was especially thrilled to reconnect with his cousins. I am grateful that God kept us safe and sound through it all! It was a great break from work and the daily routine. Calvin was especially grateful, though, to return to his daily routine. ;)

Calvin has turned into a full fledged BOY. He has a hilarious personality and is doing so many funny things. He loves to play games with us, and his sense of humor is amazing. He now has FOUR teeth! Two on top and two on bottom. His smile is just to die for. He keeps us on our toes and chasing him takes up the majority of our time. I love nursing him and the bond that it has fostered between us. Elio has been so proud of us and so encouraging!

I've felt the "Mama" blues lately. You know, the kind where you feel like all you do is clean, feed the baby, change diapers, do laundry, make dinners, go to work, and then start it all over again the next day. Work has been especially taxing as of late. I've prayed for God to open a new door for me for quite some time now. Apparently His answer is to "Wait". That's quite possibly my least favorite answer, ever...but I will do just that. Wait. I've applied for other positions and I've also felt a calling to  possibly move in a different direction altogether. Since Calvin's birth, and even prior, I've always been inspired by Mothers, Birth, Breastfeeding, and Childcare. I've always either taken care of children or worked with children. I'm feeling called into a different direction other than social work, and I'm praying for direction, guidance, and wisdom to know exactly where to go and how to do it! I'm also hoping for more opportunities to reconnect with friends and just have some fun.

Time to go watch TV with my husband. It's the little things that make us happy! :)

Summer Daze!

I cannot believe it's July! The past couple of months have been a blur of activity and our weekends have been pretty hectic.
Calvin is hilarious! He is now 8 months, and has had so many "firsts" in the past few weeks. He has a tooth! This has not been a fun experience for any of us...screaming, fevers, etc. Teething is NOT fun! We have pushed through it and I am just glad that our boy has his first real tooth! Many more appear to be on their way as well. Yippee! ;)
He can crawl like a big boy using all fours, and it appears that this was only accomplished so that he could crawl to an object and promptly STAND up! He stands in his crib, holding onto chairs or the couch, in his play yard, pretty much anywhere he can get a good grip. This, of course, comes with tumbles and falls which I hate! I know it's all a part of him learning and growing, and he is getting better about knowing to be careful. He is also imitating sounds and facial expressions, like whistling! It's amazing to see him learning so many new things! Calvin is developing by leaps and bounds, and he has sailed through all the "milestones" he needs to achieve thus far...and then some. I am so proud to be his Mama. He sure keeps us all on our toes! He loves to spit, yell, laugh, and play games with us. The boys sure love it when he spits at them! haha.

Summer has sure kept our family busy so far. Projects inside and outside, soccer games, and family outings take up most of our time (besides work, of course). It has been a rainy summer with alot of thunderstorms, so that has been quite the adventure. Running into the house with a 20 pound baby in an equally heavy carseat through torrential rain...or applying huge amounts of sunscreen on a very busy, sweaty baby...hmmm...I think I'll be glad when it's time for fall!